Pilates, like the rest of the world, is chaos. But within the chaos is order, if you know where to look.

When I first started doing Pilates a million and twenty years ago, I didn’t know there was a man behind the name—Joseph H. Pilates. I didn’t know that he called his method Contrology (not Pilates). I didn’t know that he devoted his life to studying, practicing, teaching and preaching about the profound benefits of movement for our overall health and wellbeing. I didn't know shit about Pilates, frankly.

All I knew at the time, was that my husband had just died (from cancer), my life had been gutted, and I needed to begin the process of rebuilding my life. I began teaching Pilates in 2011, not because I looooved Pilates and wanted to share this healing modality with the world.

I'd been a hairdresser and salon owner prior to my husband's illness; when Bob got sick, I closed my salon and became his full-time caregiver, until his death in 2011. After Bob died, I lost everything—my best friend, a successful business and career, our home, our dog, most of my friends, a lot of my hair, and all of my mind. In a word, I was a wreck.

Shortly after Bob's death, a dear friend, who had lost her beloved son, Sam, shortly before Bob died, talked me into going to a kettlebell class with her. "You'll still think about Bob, " she said, "and you'll probably cry, but you'll also think about not dropping a 35 lb. cannonball on your head—trust me, it's good therapy."

Lisa was right. I fell in love with kettlebells with the first swing. Even though my life was in shambles, for an hour or two a week, I felt like a badass Amazon warrior queen, swinging and sweating and crying and getting stronger with every class. The owner of the studio talked me into getting my kettlebell teaching certification so I could start teaching. While I enjoyed teaching, I soon found out how limited I was, to help anyone beyond teaching them how to swing a kettlebell; if someone came to class with a messed up shoulder, or knee, or back, all I could say was, "If this bothers you, don't do it!" I wanted to learn more, so I could have better answers than that. I thought a personal training certification was the next best step, but the studio owner talked me into doing a Pilates cert, instead.

What I leanred is that Pilates is building strength and flexibility, from the ground up. Over the years, I've learned so much about rebuilding from the ground up. I wholly believe that restorative movement and Pilates (synonymous, in my mind, body and spirit) can help so many bodies in so many ways, but I also see too many folks getting lost in the chaos. If you're just doing "reformer pilates," small p, you are missing out on so much of the whole of Pilates, capital P. there is absolutely a method to the madness.

Here, in my small corner of the world, it is my holy obligation to do my part in preserving Joseph Pilates' original, healing, restorative work. I teach his original exercises, in the original order, using the mat, the reformer, Cadillac, chair, various arcs and barrels and other tools. I can skillfully and creatively adapt all the work to every body I work with. My relationship with my students is decidedly collaborative and creative; no two bodies are alike. Hell, even within our own body, no two day is ever the same; as such, I truly teach to the body in front of me.

I'm an incurable, curious lifelong-student, forever amazed at the infinite capacities and resilience of humans, and the bodies with which we are graced. I learn far more from my students than they will ever learn from me. I am so humbled and grateful for the opportunity to work each body who walks in my door, who trusts me with guiding them through the chaos, back to calm.